Jennifer Nettles had the biggest crush on Lauren Alaina. She first noticed it at the beginning of the ‘In Your Hands’ tour, when Lauren was confirmed as an opening act.
She liked everything about her.
It was absurd, she knew. Lauren didn’t turn 18 for another month. It was dangerous, but she didn’t even care. All she knew is that Lauren was her idea of perfect.
Her phone rang from under her pillow. Waking with a start, she opened her eyes to look at the clock on the bedside table. 7:32am. Ugh. She sat up groggily and looked at her phone. The screen burned her eyes, but the name flashing on it made her grin. She could think of worse early morning wake up calls.
“Jennifer!” Lauren squealed excitedly down the phone at her.
“Mornin’, sugar!” She couldn’t hide the smile in her voice. “You’re sure up early?”
“I’ve been up since 6. I couldn’t sleep, I’m just too excited!”
Another thing Jennifer loved about her. She was always smiling and happy.
“Mmmmm.” Jennifer stretched herself across her double bed. She so loved being in bed. “That you’re officially on the tour programme?”
There was a pause on the other end of the line.
“Well… of course!” Lauren answered after a few seconds. The ending was a little too high pitched. She didn’t mean it to be. She blushed in spite of herself.
Jennifer could tell there was more to that story, but she didn’t want to push it. Lauren was clearly ecstatic about something, and that was good enough a reason for her not to worry.
“I’m excited too, I really am. Have you had any thoughts on a set list yet?” Jennifer mused, trying to keep Lauren on the phone. Just to hear her voice for a little longer.
“Nope, not yet.” Lauren’s voice sounded a little worried. “I was hoping that… you and I could work on it? You know… together? The set list.”
Shit. Oh shit! Did Lauren just ask her out? No! Of course not. That’s ridiculous. Lauren liked boys, didn’t she? Shit. What do I say?! If I say yes and she actually takes it as me accepting to going out with her… But then what if she didn’t mean it like that at all? What if she genuinely just meant to work on the set list and didn’t want to ask? It is way too early in the morning for this… Just agree. Either way, you’ll find out the real reason, right? You have nothing to lose.
“Uhm.. Of course I can, darlin’. Anythin’ for you! Just give me a call when you’re free and we’ll set something up, okay?”
Lauren smiled to herself. “Okay. I’ll speak to you soon!”
Jennifer heard a click at the other end of the line and put the phone down. She could not stop smiling.
Begrudgingly, she stretched herself out again and got up. Today was interesting already.
The thing about crushing on an older woman of your sex is simple. They’re so unattainable.
You can dream it up in your mind that one day something might happen, that they’ll suddenly realise that they like younger girls. That they’re actually lesbians. That actually, you’re just their type.
Lauren put the phone down and sighed. Jennifer was actually going to help her with her set list. Finally, some private time with Jennifer. She couldn’t remember a time when she didn’t have a crush on this woman. When the chance to actually tour with her was available, she could have died of happiness.
She actually agreed. Did I make it too obvious? Was it not obvious enough? Is that why she said yes? Did she see straight through the lie? Why could I not be more confident?
Lauren had a hairdresser’s appointment today. She needed a new look for the tour, a fresh start. She was going to be 18 in two weeks. That and she was determined to make Jennifer like her. This had to work.
It was 2pm on a Monday afternoon. Lauren was sat in the hairdresser’s chair. She knew exactly what she wanted.
2 and a half hours later, she was done. She studied herself in the mirror and smiled at herself.
“I love it, thank you.” She exclaimed excitedly.
The young girl bounced out of the salon and dug her phone out of her pocket. She was confident.
“Jen! Are you free tonight? I’d love to come over and… you know. Work on the set list?”
“Of course I’m free! Come on over.” Jennifer thought quickly. “What about I get us some take out for dinner? What do you like?”
“Uhm, sure!” Lauren beamed. “I like pretty much anything. Chinese food?”
“Deal darlin’. Come over for 6:30?”
“Sure. Thanks! Bye!”
Jennifer was panicking. She had two hours to clean up the house and get ready for Lauren.
This isn’t a date!
She didn’t want to just wear anything. She liked this girl a lot. Why shouldn’t she dress up for a platonic meeting with her opening act?
She pulled off her baggy jeans and white t-shirt and stood in front of her full length, ornately framed mirror. She’d picked it up at a boot fair years ago after she fell in love with it.
She turned her reflection and swept her eyes over her body. She pressed a hand to her flat stomach and stood on her tiptoes.
She swung open and rummaged through her extensive wardrobe and sighed. She found nothing she wanted to wear. How overdressed was too much?
She picked out a pair of tight black pants that were folded up on the bottom shelf. She hadn’t worn these in a long time. Would she even fit into them?
They used to be her favourite pair. They were tailored perfectly around the length of her legs and made her ass look perky. Stepping into them, she shimmied into them and did them up by the silver zip at the top. Perfect fit. Now for a shirt…
It couldn’t be black. Or could it? Would that be too much black? Lauren was such a bright person; a nice bold colour might draw her attention.
Searching through the wardrobe, she found a black top. It clung tightly around the abdomen. Flowy material around the top with elbow length gypsy sleeves. A low cut v-neck showed off her cleavage perfectly.
She put it on and checked herself out in the mirror.
Too much black.
She pulled out a cerulean blue waist cinching belt. It had 3 silver buckles across the front. Wrapping it around her middle, it separated the black perfectly. She chose a white gold chain with a matching blue stone to hang around her neck. It danced between her cleavage and drew attention to it.
Satisfied with her outfit choice, she descended the stairs and looked around the living room. It wasn’t too untidy. She flew around, picking up magazines and taking in the dishes from breakfast to the kitchen.
The clock read 6:28pm.
Lauren would arrive any minute. Jennifer checked herself in the mirror one last time, just to make sure she looked okay.
The doorbell rang, and Jennifer got up to answer it. She opened the door and her breath caught.
Lauren looked stunning. Her hair had been chopped into a blonde, sleek, long bob. It made her look much older and a lot more sophisticated. She wore blue denim skinny jeans and a colourful top with butterflies covering the entire article.
Lauren stood on the doorstep looking up at Jennifer. Holy shit. She always looks so perfect.
She cast her eyes over Jennifer, lingering slightly over her hips. She blushed and made eye contact. Her face changed as she beamed at Jennifer, hoping she hadn’t noticed. Judging by the cheeky half grin she was sporting, she definitely had. Oh God…
“Come on in, darlin’!” she giggled through her words, and turned to walk inside.
Lauren followed her inside, embarrassed, but not really caring too much. After all, she wanted Jennifer to know, didn’t she? Even if she didn’t dare just say it outright…
“Did you want a drink or anything before the food gets here?” Jennifer called from the kitchen.
Lauren got up from the sofa and walked through to the kitchen and leant against the door frame, one thumb hooked through the belt loop in her jeans. Jennifer was reaching up a high cupboard to pick out some glasses. Lauren watched, mesmerised for a second, biting her lip.
Jennifer felt the atmosphere in the room change, the same way it changes when someone walks into the same room as you, and turned her head around.
She saw Lauren standing there and almost dropped the glasses as she came down from the cupboard. Lauren snapped out of the trance and managed an “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to make you jump I just came in to help you with the glasses and then yeah I’m sorry.”
It all came out at once, with no stopping for breath.
“Hey, it’s okay, relax!” Jennifer replied with an assuring smile. “Nobody died!”
“Okay.” She nodded her head.
“So what was it you wanted to drink? I have Diet Cola, I haaave juice…” Jennifer stopped talking, and hesitated before speaking again. “Unless you want somethin’ stronger?”
They settled down on the sofa, each with an average sized glass of white wine, and a few sheets of paper detailing the possible set lists between them.
Another hour and a half, (a lovely meal, and pretty much the whole bottle of wine) passed and they were still discussing which setlist to use.
Nothing had gone wrong, neither of them had said anything embarrassing, it was comfortable.
Then again, they were both pretty tipsy.
“I like this one best, bec. Beca. Because. Daymn. Because it starts off with Georgia Peaches and that’s reeeeeally upbeat and…” Lauren trailed off.
Jennifer was watching her talk. Noticing the way her lips moved, the way her eyes flicked over the paperwork in front of her as she scanned the page, how she pushed her hair back from out of her face with her perfectly manicured hands.
She really was completely flawless. In every way a girl could be. Her heart ached for the girl sitting next to her.
Even as she slurred her words, she was absolutely perfect.
“What,” Lauren took a moment to think about what she was going to say. Damn wine. “are you staring at, Miss Nettles?” she put the piece of paper she was clutching down onto the table and grasped her wine glass with both hands. Lauren smirked at Jennifer over the glass as she sipped.
Jennifer didn’t know what to say. She just opened her mouth and looked at her. She could play it one of two ways. She could brush it off, pretend she was just drunk and leave it at that. Or she could be playful back. Lauren was testing her, she knew it.
She’s been checking me out all evening. At the door, in the kitchen, when I came back from peeing. There’s something there. I know it. I can’t just be outright though, can I? I might scare her off. Ugh, why is nothing ever simple?!
“Well?” Lauren urged, playfully, flipping her new hair out of her face.
“You. Are drunk.” Was all she could come up with in reply. She’d never been one for coming up with things on the spot. She tried looking serious, but just giggled.
“So are you!” Lauren screeched, in mock offense, touching Jennifer’s shoulder and pushing it away.
They sat there for a while, laughing at nothing at all.
“You know…” Lauren suddenly went serious.
“What?” Again, Jennifer tried to be serious. It didn’t quite work. She was still getting over the giggle fit they’d just shared.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been as comfortable with anyone as I am with you, right this second.”
Jennifer didn’t reply.
“Well…” she knew she had to choose her words carefully. “I feel comfortable with you too.”
There. It was out. It was just as good as saying ‘I like you’, but just… not.
Lauren took back the last gulp of wine in her glass, put it on the table, and looked back at Jennifer.
The atmosphere had changed. Neither girl was giggling.
Jennifer was the first to break the silence.
“Come here.” She pulled Lauren against her and lay back. They embraced for a while, neither of them saying anything. Just being together in the most innocent sense of the word.
They stretched out on the sofa, still embracing each other.
Lauren pressed her lips to Jennifer’s wrist and closed her eyes.
They fell asleep on the sofa not long after. Drunk, but completely content just to hold each other. Just for the night.
The next morning was nowhere near as romantic as the evening before.
Jennifer opened her eyes and immediately wished she hadn’t. Her head was pounding, and her throat felt like she was swallowing razorblades. Not to mention that her left arm was completely dead where Lauren had been laying on it all night. She looked down at the still sleeping blonde and kissed the top of her head. She carefully unpicked her arm from under her and stood up.
Her head immediately felt like she’d hit it on something hard.
“I need tea.” She spoke quietly to herself.
Lauren stirred on the sofa and put her arm over her face.
“What time is it?” she croaked.
“It’s 9:40, darlin’. Did you want some tea?”
Lauren groaned. “Yes please.”
“Mmmm, 3 please.”
“Ain’t you already sweet enough?” Jennifer joked.
Lauren laughed and buried her head under a cushion. She felt a lot worse for wear.
Jennifer came back 10 minutes later with two large mugs of tea. Lauren was sitting cross legged on the sofa, trying to will away her headache.
“Here ya go! Tea makes everything better.”
“Thanks.” Lauren reached up and took the mug from Jennifer’s hands. Jennifer sat down next to her, tucking her feet behind her. She sipped the tea and felt her headache start to wash away.
“So…” Jennifer started.
“Yeah…” Lauren grinned sheepishly at Jennifer.
“I guess we should talk about last night…”
Lauren’s face looked worried. “Oh.”
“Oh! No, sweetie, no! Don’t look so worried! It’s me that should be worried. I don’t know what I was thinking, letting us get so drunk. I never want you to think I was trying to take advantage of you!”
“What?!” Lauren almost spat her tea out across the living room in shock. “I could never think that of you!”
“Well, I’m glad!” Jennifer breathed a sigh of relief and drank more tea.
“In a way… I’m quite glad. I’m always nervous around the people I have a crush o-…” Oh shit.
Shitshitshitshitshit. She hung her head in embarrassment. “I’m sorry. That slipped out. I shouldn’t have… Ohhh…”
Jennifer couldn’t help but let out a small giggle.
“Oh don’t laugh, please. Oh God I’m such an embarrassment to myself. I shouldn’t be allowed around people.”
“That you have crushes on?” Jennifer teased, and Lauren wished the ground would just open up and swallow her whole.
“I was joking, I was joking!” Jennifer put her hand on Lauren’s thigh and stroked it for a few seconds.
“I just laughed because… well. Well did you really think that I would have let any of last night happen if… Well if I didn’t have a crush on you?”
“Huh?” Lauren was genuinely confused. She has a crush on me? But, I’m me. I’m just Lauren. She’s Jennifer Nettles. Of Sugarland. Sugarland!
“I don’t just snuggle up with any ol’ girl that happens to sit on my sofa, you know.”
“Oh.” Lauren couldn’t think of anything else to say. This was all a bit surreal.
“Yeah… How’s your head?” Jennifer sensed Lauren was taken aback and changed the subject.
“You know…” Jennifer started, cautiously. “There’s a sure fire way of curing hangovers, if you’d like to know it?”
“Right now, I’ll take anything. Just so long as my head feels better.”
Jennifer leant in and kissed her. A closed mouthed, average length kiss. But Jennifer put everything she had into it. She wanted Lauren to know her feelings, without having to say a word. Lauren didn’t kiss back.
Jennifer pulled back and didn’t say anything. The girls looked at each other.
Jennifer went to speak. “I-“
Lauren cut her off, pushing herself onto Jennifer, pressing their bodies flush against each other.
The distance between their faces closed and Lauren forcefully glided her lips over Jennifer’s.
The kiss was rapid, almost desperate. Before she knew it, her hands were tangled in Lauren’s hair, occasionally getting caught in a knot but soon finding a way out of it.
Lauren had her handson either side of Jennifer’s shoulders, holding up her weight. She used one of them to explore Jennifer’s torso, running up along the side of it, then pressing into the flesh as she brought it back down, only for the motion to be repeated.
Every inch of Jennifer’s body screamed at her to do something. Make the move, fuck her right here on the sofa, anything! But she knew she had to fight it. It wasn’t the right time. Not here.
Lauren moved her hand down the side of Jennifer’s body and went to push her hand down past the hem of her pants.
Jennifer’s stomach clenched with arousal, but pushed Lauren away from her and held her there by the shoulders.
“We can’t, Lauren. Not right now, it’s not right.” She fought to catch her breath. “Fuck.”
“Why not?” Lauren replied with hurt in her voice.
“Oh, honey.” Jennifer felt her heart pang at the small voice. The last thing she wanted was for Lauren to feel like she wasn’t completely coveted. Jennifer pulled Lauren into another kiss. She meant it to be reassuring, just a quick ‘I’m sorry’ before explaining her exact reasoning.
Lauren relaxed her weight onto Jennifer again and deepened the kiss, edging her tongue onto the older woman’s. Jennifer moaned into her mouth before breaking the kiss.
“Oh, God…” More kisses.
“Mmh. Really…” Another kiss. “Lauren…” Jennifer repeated her earlier actions and pushed Lauren off of her.
Lauren sat back on her heels. Jennifer ran her hand along the side of the girl’s cheek and combed her fingers through her hair. Lauren’s face was etched with a mixture of disappointment and arousal.
“It’s not that I don’t want to. Believe me, angel. I want you more than anything. It’s just that you’re 17. It’s just not…” Lauren muffled her with another brief kiss.
“It’s just not morally right. We’re pushin’ it as it is.”
“It’s just another month…”
“I know, baby, I know. But we really can’t. At least not until then. You understan’, don’t you?”
Lauren wrung her fingers together in her lap, and closed her eyes. She pursed her lip and nodded her head.
“Yeah, I understand.”
Jennifer gave Lauren a tender peck on the lips and stood up.
“I don’t know about you but I need a shower. I have a second one through the kitchen, if you’d like to use it? There are towels and stuff in there, use whatever you’d like.”
“It’s okay, thank you. I really should, you know, get back. My parents don’t know where I am and I told them I’d be back last night.”
“Okay darlin’. Thank you for a wonderful evenin’.” Jennifer stroked Lauren’s cheek, bent down to kiss it goodbye.
“No, thank you. I’ll speak to you soon!” Lauren stood up and hugged the older woman. She picked up her bag and left.
The pair didn’t see each other for two weeks. They hardly even spoke. Not through disinterest, but they were both really busy preparing for the tour.
Lauren had received an invitation to a pre-tour kick off dinner at a fancy restaurant. The tour crew would be there, her parents, Kristian, and of course, Jennifer.
She’ll admit, she was panicking. She had no idea what to wear. Her family were going to be there. And she hadn’t seen Jennifer since… that night.
She pulled herself together and picked out an outfit that was family friendly, but still showed off her amazing figure.
She drew nearer the restaurant and she could feel her palms starting to get clammy.
I’ve hardly spoken to Jennifer, what if she just pretends everything is normal? It would crush me. But if she acts into me like she said she was, everyone will know and there would just be uproar. Ugh….
“Hey honey, are you okay? You look pale.” Lauren’s mother always worried about her. It was sweet, really, if a little overbearing at times.
“I’m fine, mom. Really. Just a little nervous for this whole tour thing.” It wasn’t really a lie.
They walked through the doors and introduced themselves the maître d and he showed them to their table. Everyone else was there around the table. There were two spots on the far end of the table, next to the wall, and just one directly opposite that.
Lauren’s parents of course sat next to each other on the side with two chairs, leaving the one remaining chair in the corner for Lauren. Next to Jennifer.
“Hello, Jennifer, Kristian, everyone!” Lauren’s mother chirped as she sat down, shaking their hands as she spoke to them.
My mother, the optimist. Lauren thought to herself. Not that she wasn;t thrilled to be sitting next to Jennifer.
She pulled her chair out from under the table and felt her heart beat through her chest. She slid down into it and swallowed.
Jennifer put her arm around her and gave her an awkward hug, kissing her on the cheek as she did so. Jennifer was acting weird. The kiss had barely touched her face and she seemed a little… off, somehow. She was hyperaware of all of the people around her. None of them knew what had happened those two weeks ago, but it felt as if they did. Jennifer felt everyone was watching them behave together, even though they couldn’t be less interested in the girls’ interactions with each other.
“Hey…” Jennifer spoke to Lauren, in a meek voice.
“Hey, Jennifer!” Lauren feigned through her nervousness. She figured that if she acted normal, everything would be normal. She said it just loud enough that Jennifer would hear her, with the right amount of pep that if anyone had overheard her, they would assume that everything was normal.
Shut up, Lauren. Everything IS normal. We’ve done nothing wrong. Nobody knows a thing. Just stop overthinking things!
They spoke softly to each other for a while, everyone else chatting away around them. Lauren could hear her father and Kristian talking about guitars. Her father used to play in high school and fancied himself a musician. He hadn’t played in years, though. Lauren rolled her eyes.
“How have things been? I’m sorry we haven’t had a chance to meet up or really talk, I’ve just been so busy and-“
“It’s okay.” Lauren interrupted her.
“I just don’t. I just don’t want you to think that I was avoiding you. I felt we didn’t really end things with a lot of closure and it’s been plaguing me ever since.” Jennifer was so quiet that even Lauren had to strain herself to hear her properly.
“Of course I don’t think tha-“ Jennifer had taken hold of her hand under the table.
“I don’t think that you’d been avoiding me, I understand the stress you’ve been under.”
Jennifer squeezed her hand and smiled.
“Thank you.” She whispered.
“Can I take everyone’s orders, please?” the waitress arrived at the table, and Jennifer dropped Lauren’s hand to order her food. They all ordered their food and returned to their discussions.
“So, Jennifer, how do you feel about Lauren joining you on this tour? I hope y’all be looking after her, now!”
Lauren hung her head, embarrassed. Not in front of Jennifer!
Jennifer wasn’t fazed and replied, gesticulating as she rambled on about how much fun they were going to have and how much she and Kristian enjoyed touring and Lauren’s company, and how much she couldn’t wait for it to start. She touched Lauren’s arm as often as she could, stroking down it. To anyone else it was a friendly gesture, but Lauren knew differently. She felt how Jennifer’s fingertips lingered over her skin just a few milliseconds longer than they needed to. She watched the glances and smiles and reciprocated as they came her way. The conversation continued until the food arrived and as everyone tucked in, they spoke less.
Lauren had ordered the chicken. She always enjoyed chicken. Jennifer had the vegetable lasagne.
Lauren was talking to her mom about her schoolwork and how she felt that whilst on the tour it would have to take a backseat.
“All I’m sayin’, Mom, is that I don’t think I’ll have ti-I-me!” Her fork clattered to her plate.
“Are you okay, Lauren?” Lauren’s mom said, concerned at her daughter’s sudden behaviour.
Jennifer had her hand under the table, sliding it up and down Lauren’s thigh. Her face was completely straight when she agreed with Lauren’s mom and asked if she was okay.
What is she doing?!
“I’m fine. Really. Just. Er. Thought of something. I think I left my straighteners on. But it’s okay. I remember now I didn’t.” She did a small, fake cough into the back of her hand and picked up her fork.
Her mom gave her the kind of look that said she didn’t believe her, but dropped the subject. She turned and spoke to her husband.
Jennifer didn’t move her hand. She traced up and down Lauren’s thigh with her forefinger, creating intricate, absent minded patterns that made Lauren shift in her seat.
Kristian leant forward in his chair and finished the mouthful of food he was chewing.
“So, Lauren. What are you lookin’ forward to most on the tour?”
“That! Is a good question, Kristian!” Jennifer was unnaturally chirpy at the question. She smiled and looked at Lauren, a cheeky glint in her eye.
“What are you looking forward to most?” She raked her nails from Lauren’s knee to straight in between her legs as she overemphasised the ‘are’.
Lauren flushed a violent shade of pink and squeaked.
“Hm!” it was high pitched. Shitshitshit.
“Oh, come on, there’s no need to go shy on us now!” Kristian had no idea.
“Well… erm.” Lauren started. She was far too distracted to keep up a conversation.
Jennifer slid her hand back to Lauren’s knee where she kept up the swirling of her fingertips.
“I guess I just like singing. It’s all I ever really dreamt of doing.”
“You’re in the right place then, aren’t you?” Jennifer walked her fingers along the inside of Lauren’s thigh.
Lauren wriggled slightly in her seat, and clenched her legs together.
“Yup.” She gulped, and let out a weak smile.
Jennifer finished her meal and pushed the plate away from her with her free hand.
“That was absolutely beautiful. I really, reeeeally enjoyed that. Didn’t you, Lauren?” she turned her head and batted her lashes a little. She scratched up and down the seam of Lauren’s jeans at her crotch slowly with her thumbnail. The friction made it difficult for Lauren to think. She gripped her chair and closed her eyes. They didn’t stay closed for long, she was too worried somebody might catch her.
Oh God, oh God, oh God.
“I need the toilet!” Lauren exclaimed, abruptly. It was almost a shout. She stood up and her legs wobbled slightly as she walked to the toilet. As she walked away, she put her hand to her forehead to try to calm herself down.
The rest of the table were confused.
“Is she okay?” Lauren’s dad asked Jennifer.
“I really don’t know. I hope so! She hasn’t said anythin’ to me!” Jennifer feigned confusion and looked around the table. She didn’t drop her act for a second.
“Maybe someone should go check on her.” Kristian looked worried for the young girl.
“I’ll go, I’m her mother, she’ll talk to me.”
“Hey! No! Don’t do that, you haven’t finished eatin’ yet! I finished a while ago, I’ll go after her. We’ve gotten a lot… closer since this whole tour thing and I’d like it if I were there for her, you know, so she knows she can come to me for anything.” Jennifer tried to persuade Lauren’s mom to let her go instead.
“Well, if you insist. Just make sure she’s okay!”
Jennifer left the table and walked in the direction that Lauren had left in to find the toilet.
Lauren was perched on the ledge, between two sinks. Her head hung back against the mirror with her hands in her lap. She didn’t know whether to be angry, or turned on, or seriously impressed with Jennifer’s bravery. She kicked her legs back and forth as she thought. She decided that she definitely wasn’t angry. There was no way she could be angry at that.
The door of the toilets swung open and there stood Jennifer, grinning her head off. This really was her proudest moment.
Lauren looked over at her, not bothering to move any part of her body but her head, which she twisted to the side.
“Are you happy?” she tried to sound irritated, but she smirked and ruined it completely.
“Uhm, yeah. Pretty much!” Jennifer almost bounced over to where Lauren was sitting and stood between her legs, putting her hands on Lauren’s thighs.
Lauren lifted her head from the mirror and pushed her forehead against Jennifer’s.
“Have you any idea. How embarrassing that was? I almost came at the dinner table. In front of my parents. Oh. My. God.” She rubbed her hands up and down Jennifer’s back to show her that she really wasn’t angry.
“I’d say I was sorry. But I’m not. I just couldn’t help myself.” She bit her bottom lip and pulled an innocent look.
Lauren looked down at her face and bit her lip too. She kissed her mouth delicately and felt Jennifer smile against her. They stood there, kissing gently in what was possibly the poshest bathroom Lauren had ever been in.
It started slow, their lips gently caressing each other. Jennifer felt warm hands massaging the small of her back. Lauren swiped her tongue across Jennifer’s bottom lip and put all her effort into showing her just how much she wanted her.
Lauren’s kisses made Jennifer feel weak.
How can one girl make me feel so completely breathless with one kiss? Everythin’ she does just goes straight through me.
“You have no idea how much you turned me on in there.” Lauren murmured into Jennifer’s ear, as Jennifer carried on kissing along her neck and collarbone.
“You don’t even have to get me naked to make me so unbelievably wet as you did just. That’s how badly I want you.” Lauren gently bit on Jennifer’s earlobe and her knees almost gave way. Her body convulsed and she let out a small gasp.
She recovered and caught Lauren’s mouth, moaning into it as their tongues fought each other.
Oh God, I said a month. It’s been two weeks. I can’t even control myself for a month. I need to stop before it goes too far. This is not happenin’ in the bathroom.
Jennifer broke the kiss.
“Shit, Lauren. You have no idea how badly I want this to happen. But you know it can’t. I said we had to wait. We’ve been gone for ages.”
“You started it…” Lauren complained.
“I know, and I shouldn’t have, I just can’t help myself around you. But we have to get back. Your mom sent me in here to make sure you were okay, I think you worried everyone.”
“I’m sure they’ll be okay. They’ll all be enjoyin’ dessert.”
“So was I.” Jennifer retorted, and they both laughed. Jennifer rubbed Lauren’s legs again and stepped back, offering her hand to the girl to help her down from the sinks.
She looked at herself in the mirror. Flushed, out of breath. She looked at Lauren, she was the same. She patted herself down and tried to make herself a bit more presentable. Lauren swept her hair from her face and brushed down her clothes. It was the best they were going to do.
They walked back and resumed their places at the table. Kristian swept a gaze over them both, raised his eyebrows a little and went back to his pudding.
“Oh, there you are! I was beginnin’ to wonder where you two had gotten to. Are you okay, sweetie?” Lauren’s mom asked, blatantly unaware that both of the girls were a little dishevelled and trying to breathe like normal. Lauren looked at Jennifer.
“I’m fine, Mom. Just a little overwhelmed. Jennifer helped, it’s okay.”
Well, it isn’t a lie… she thought to herself.
The drive home was a little awkward. Lauren’s mom was giving her a lecture about the tour.
“…you’ve never been away so long on your own before, I need you to be safe…”
She zoned out, trying to think of anything but Jennifer. The wait was driving her mad. Why couldn’t Jennifer just give in? It was just two weeks. Practically nothing if you thought about a person’s lifespan. It wasn’t even worth thinking about, really.
She sighed and heard her mother talking over the radio.
“…and please, please call me! If anything happens I need to be the first to know! I don’t want you thinking I’ve given up all parental responsibilities just because you’re away from…”
At least her goin’ on about nothin’ gives me a chance to stop thinkin’ about Jen… I mean, really. Have I ever given her a reason to doubt her parenting? I don’t go out and drink and end up staying at people’s houses in the hopes of having sex wi- oh.
Her phone buzzed. She opened the message. It was Jennifer.
“Two weeks ;) xxxxxxxxxxxx”
Lauren smiled in spite of herself.
“And what are you smirking at back there? Are you making fun of me? You know it’s just because I care about you that I have to worry about all of these things! I know you’re a good girl and I love you very much but you’re easily led and everyone is going to be older than you and I worry that…”
“Mom. I’m not making fun of you. I’ll be okay. I have Jennifer to look after me.”
“Oh yes, she is a sweet girl, you stick with her and you’ll be okay. She took such an interest in your opinion over dinner, and she was very worried when you stormed off. She must like you very much.
Oh you have no idea.
Jennifer woke up the next day and panicked. It was 10am. The tour started tomorrow. She wasn’t ready. She hadn’t packed. She hadn’t done her lists of things to do before she set off. She hadn’t even spoken to Kristian about the tour bus arrangements.
What a mess. She got up and had a shower, trying to decide what to do first.
The hot water poured over her and she felt all of her stress ebb away down the drain. The shower was her thinking place. No matter what the problem, an answer always came to her when she showered. She was in there for a good 25 minutes before emerging with a clear mind.
Wrapping a towel around herself, she made her way to her bedroom and flung it across the bed. She figured that she wasn’t seeing anyone today, so she may as well just throw her comfies on and sort herself out ready for the following day.
6 gruelling hours later, she slumped herself on her bedroom floor. Three suitcases spread out in front of her, plus a backpack carrying important, personal stuff, like her passport and paperworks.
Looking at the alarm clock on her bedside table, she looked at the time. 4:35pm. She called Kristian.
“Hey.” She said, wearily down the receiver.
“Hey you, are you okay? You sound tired.” Kristian seemed concerned.
“No no, I’m fine. I’ve just spent all day packing and making sure I have everything ready for tomorrow. What time are we leaving?”
“7am sharp. The bus will come to me, then to you, and then we’ll go and fetch Lauren together. It’s big enough for all three of us, luckily. Speaking of which, was she okay yesterday? You two were gone ages, everyone was a worried about her.”
“Oh. Yeah. Uhm, yeah. She’s absolutely fine. Just some pre-tour jitters is all. I smoothed things out.” Jennifer felt guilty. She hated lying to Kristian.
“Well, as long as everything’s all sorted. Had either of you been crying or something? When you came back you were a bit. I don’t know. Flustered?”
“We were? Oh, I don’t know why. Probably just from rushing back to the table.” Oh God. More lying.
“Hm. Okay then. Well I’m just about to eat, so I’ll have to let you go. 7am, yes?”
“Bye, Jennifer. Have a good evening and I’ll see you in the morning!” He sounded so breezy as he said goodbye that Jennifer almost didn’t mind that she had lied to him.
She ticked everything from her checklist and instantly felt a weight lifted from her shoulders.
There was just one thing she couldn’t shake off. Lauren. And her damn sexual frustration. She knew how much Lauren wanted her, and how much she wanted Lauren. That was pretty obvious. The part making her most irate is that she couldn’t do anything about it. Not one damn thing.
Jennifer had never really found herself attracted to men. She’d had boyfriends, of course, as well as girlfriends. But she could never make the effort with boyfriends. They were more “this is what I should be doing,” rather than “this is what I want to be doing.” She will never forget her first time with a girl.
The girl’s name was Rose. Rose McCarthy. She had been beautiful. They were 17 when they met, through school. They shared a desk in math class. They were together 6 months when Rose decided that she didn’t like girls in that way. Jennifer was obviously heartbroken.
Bitch, she cursed her name whenever the memory came to the surface.
She shook her head and thought back to Lauren. Lauren’s kisses physically weakened her. They made her dizzy, she couldn’t breathe, she felt like everything around them had simply stopped existing, and it was just them. And she didn’t mind one single bit.
She had two whole weeks to wait, and being on the same tour bus as her was going to be hell. Not that she wasn’t going to take full advantage of the situation.
The pit of her stomach clenched with desire at the idea.
Lauren lay flat out on her back on her bedroom floor with her eyes closed. She was tired, she was sick of looking at her own clothes, and she was fed up with getting lectures from her mom about ‘her trip’. And to top it all off, she missed Jennifer.
She rolled herself over on to her front and picked up her phone. No new messages. She wasn’t surprised.
She fired off a quick one to Jennifer.
“Hey, hope you’re okay, I miss you. Can’t wait until tomorrow, being around you drives me crazy. Two weeks ;) xxxxx”
It sent, and she dropped her phone to the floor. It was only 6pm and much too early for sleep. She had checked her luggage a thousand times, her room was clean, everything that needed to be done was done. She sighed and got up, there was no need to just mope about on her bedroom floor. And besides, her arms were starting to get pins and needles from leaning on them.
She stood up and bent down to pick up her phone, and made her way to her bed. She flopped herself onto it as her phone buzzed.
Lauren’s heart beat faster as she read it.
“Oh honey, I haven’t even begun to drive you crazy yet xxxxx”
Lauren felt a pull at her groin as she re-read the text again. Such a fucking tease.
She didn’t know how to respond. She thought about what she could possibly say to follow something like that, but she couldn’t. She didn’t send anything back.
There was no way she could rest herself now, she was too worked up. Luckily, her mom called her down to dinner.